Wasted Time

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor and life coach Trista Guertin.

Hey everybody, welcome back.

This is episode 66 on Wasted Time.

Before we start, I just wanted to let you know that if you're listening to this on the release date or soon thereafter, I will be holding a free masterclass on April 20th. That's the Saturday, April 20th at 11 a. m. Eastern Standard Time. It will be on Zoom. There will be a replay available if you can't make it live, but you do need to register in advance, and I will put the link in the show notes.

This master class is on designing your future self. And it's based on the work of Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy. It's something that I've mentioned a couple of times in the previous episodes recently, and I think it's some of the most interesting and important work that we can do for ourselves. Consciously and intentionally creating ourselves who we want to be in the future, how we want to evolve, what we want to change.

And it all starts with thinking intentionally in the present about how we want to think about our past and how we want to think about our future and what we're ready to do to create it for ourselves. It takes a bit of thought. It takes a bit of energy. And really, intentional thinking about what you want to create, because if you're not being intentional, then you're just reacting to what's happening to you and just going along with the flow, which is fine if that's what you want.

But if you are serious about. Big changes about getting more of what you want in your life, going to the next level. Then this is the work that we need to do. It's some of the work that I've been doing on myself or for myself recently.

So I'm excited to share this with you and see where it takes you. The link will be in the show notes and that's April 20th.

The other thing I wanted to mention is that in case you didn't know, I do offer a free private coaching session with me. If you've ever been interested in trying coaching, this is your opportunity. You can come bring any issue that you wish, any problem you want to solve.

Let's talk about it. Let's get you coached. It's also a great opportunity for you to learn a little bit more about what it's like to work with me.

I do work with a limited number of women in one to one sessions. It's a three month program.

We go over cleaning up some of your past, some of your limiting beliefs, letting go of what has been holding you back and what's been keeping you playing small.

We look at emotion, emotional flexibility, emotional resilience, and your mindset.

Do you understand your brain?

Do you understand how it's working?

And do you know how to create intentional thought and show up in a way that you want?

Because this is important. If you want to create bigger and bolder results in your life, you need to manage your brain.

You need to understand and manage your emotions. We also do a bit of work on your relationship with yourself, which is the most important relationship that you will have. And building that self trust, that self confidence, self love is the foundation you need to take yourself forward and do some of this future self work that I mentioned in my masterclass program.

This is where you intentionally decide who you want to become and what you want your life to look like. If you don't know What you want and you don't know where you're going.

How can you get there? It's like a ship leaving a port. It has to have a destination. That's how it gets to where it's supposed to go, but just leaving the port and going out and seeing where it lands up, which is what most of us do, doesn't allow us to create the results that we want in our lives.

So you have to be intentional. You have to do that work and coaching gives you that guidance and that support to help you create more in your life.

We solve problems. We learn, we grow, we set goals and we think intentionally. the first step is to get on my calendar.

The link will be in the show notes and pick a date and time that suits you and come for this 45 minute session. It's an opportunity to really start the change that you're looking for, because if you're feeling stuck, you don't have to stay that way.

And if you're feeling that you are meant for more, it's because you are as human beings, we are designed to grow and to evolve. I believe that's why we're here.

So let's do some of that work together. It's some of the best work we can do for ourselves. All right, enough. Let me get into the episode.

Today, I wanted to talk about wasted time, and this is what I have heard from several clients. over the years, and I know it was something that I struggled with in the past. I'm sure we can all relate, and we all have some sort of story about how we paid for a course, or had a relationship, or signed up for something, paid some money, did something that we felt either maybe was a mistake, that, it wasn't what we wanted. We changed our mind. It just didn't work out the way we thought it would and our default setting.

I think our default mindset is to say that was a waste of time and we can't get that time back. We can't get that money back and therefore it's a net loss.

But I think that is a misconception and it doesn't have to be a thing. It doesn't have to be a thing when we take the time to embark on something new, whether it is a relationship, whether it is a course, whether it is a degree, whether it is a job, a move, whatever it is. I think it takes a lot of Bravery. It takes a lot of courage. It is a great adventure and we should always be proud of ourselves for trying something new.

Most recently I was speaking with a client who was interested in starting a new career at the age of 50. She was looking at going back to school for a degree that would take her four years. And she was unsure whether she should go ahead with it, not so much because of the money, but that she would start and that maybe she would get into it and find that. She hated it that she couldn't do it or that, it was just a mistake and she didn't want to continue and her thoughts about it and her thoughts about herself were that, it was a stupid mistake. She was concerned about other people judging her. She was concerned about her own judgment that, she wasn't able to stick with things, that she was giving up too easily that she hadn't thought this through properly And that, that somehow she had done something wrong or that she should have known better in advance. And that, when she made this decision that she wasn't thinking clearly she was judging herself in advance thinking that if she quit, it would be because possibly that she found it too hard. She was scared and that she wasn't committed.

So all of this had played out in her head in advance, even though none of it was real. It was just something that she was afraid of. and so one of the things I told her was that, this makes sense.

As a human with a human brain, we are going to experience this default to the negative. We're going to have our brains try and protect us, right? We have the survival part of our brain, the primitive part of our brain that wants to keep us safe, wants to avoid pain, wants to be as efficient as possible.

Certainly, in considering taking on or undertaking a new four year degree, In midlife, your brain is Oh, this could be really painful there. This is a threat. This is new. I don't know how to do this.

And it's just easier to stay the same.

It's easier just to continue day to day and not change things up and not have to put in the physical and mental energy into learning something new or doing something different. your brain will spin these stories and try to keep you from putting yourself out there.

It's very normal. It happens to all of us. It's the important thing is understanding that nothing has gone wrong here, and in fact, having that awareness of what is going on, that your brain is trying to keep you safe.

It uses fear to do this, but that the fear doesn't mean stop and that it just means that, your brain is trying to keep you safe. That's it.

And I think understanding that doing something, undertaking something new, such as a four year degree. That's it. Or a new relationship or traveling, a move, it threatened your identity. And that is ultimately the scariest thing that comes up for your brain. Who are you?

If you're not this person who you were before doing the same things showing up in the same way, It changes. It's a threat to your perception of who you are as a person. And that's really scary. It changes everything. And nobody likes change. Your brain does not like change. And then there's also the element that You will be ostracized by the tribe, We are tribal creatures. This is how we lived thousands of years ago. This is how we still live. We still have community. We still have friends and family.

And I think there is a threat there.

First of all, that if you're doing something different, you may change so that you no longer are fitting in and, staying with the same group. So that is a threat. And then there's also the threat of, of being criticized by being judged by others. If you do it, if you don't do it, if you start it and you quit, a lot of times I hear clients fearing. The judgment of their partners, spouses, husbands, that they're, if they start something and they quit or they start something and they do it, but then they don't use it. They don't follow through whatever it is.

There can be a lot of judgment there and that may not be just from your husband. It could be from your mother, your sister, your children, whomever. And then, people take that on, you take that on.

And usually it's because there is some element that you're thinking that about yourself anyway, maybe not entirely, but maybe in some way, So it just creates this fear. It creates this insecurity, which is very normal. And as I said, it's just a matter of understanding what's going on in your brain. Okay.

So I'm going to talk a little bit about how you can help yourself move forward to making a decision. And if you want to go ahead with, say something like making a big change like this, you can How can you make it a little bit easier for yourself?

The first thing I would say is to decide what it is you want. So in this, in instance, it was going back to school, getting a new degree, starting a second career, and be very clear about your reasons. and like them. Write them down.

Make sure you review them regularly, but you will have to focus your brain on them on a daily basis. This work is daily.

You will have to remind your brain that this is what we want to do and this is why and really like those reasons. If you can focus your brain in that way, instead, when it starts to go off into the ditch and say, this is really scary, maybe we've made a mistake. Maybe I won't like this. You have to bring it back.

So this is what I'm doing. This is why I really like it.

The second thing is you can make a commitment first for a certain period of time, a four year degree might seem overwhelming, but you can probably make a commitment for one year or one semester. Say, I'm going to try this out. I'm going to commit to doing this for one year and see how it goes and see if it is for me. See if I do like it.

Break it down into smaller parts and then you can recommit. So if you do the first semester at the end, you can decide whether you want to continue or not and recommit to another semester or another year.

Then once you've gone through that initial period, so let's say it is an initial one year, then that's your opportunity to reevaluate. Decide if you'd like it, if you want to continue or not. If you want to continue, recommit.

Recommitting is important and remember, have your reasons and like them. If you're not sure, if you like it or not, you can think about whether you want to do the work and the work is the mindset work, the self coaching or getting coached on continuing because you really can, coach yourself through anything if you want, but sometimes it's not worth it.

Sometimes it's not worth the amount of work that you would have to do to coach yourself to go through another three years of the degree. If you've decided that you don't like it, if you've decided that you don't want to continue, if you've decided that it's not for you, but if you've decided that, yes, it's hard it's more work than I thought it was, but I still want to continue.

Then you can learn how to do the mindset work, how to do the self coaching, how to get or get yourself coached so that you can continue, right? And it's working on your brain. It's giving it that direction. It's setting yourself up for success. Regardless. You want to have your own back, no beating yourself up, no criticizing, no judgments, have your own back, have love for yourself, have self compassion and trust that you are making the best informed decision for yourself that you can. I trust that if you've reached midlife, that you are able to rationally think through your decisions. and take action accordingly. And it's not going to be impulsive.

My client was worried that she was making an impulsive decision to go back to school and to take this degree. I don't believe that's the case. And, you can look for evidence that it's not impulsive, that you are thinking this through and that you are clear again, go back to deciding why you want to do this and your reasons for it and liking them, but have your own back that you're making the best informed decision at this time.

And that you've decided on the info that you have available. You might start the degree, you might get into the program and see that maybe this isn't for you. Maybe it's not what you thought it would be. Maybe it is more work than you wanted. Or maybe it's not enough, whatever it is. this is why you want to reevaluate and recommit is because if you have this additional information, then this will play into your decision making. it's okay that you didn't have this information before when you made the initial decision. You won't be able to have all the facts.

You won't be able to know exactly how it's going to be, and that's okay.

There's always going to be part or a portion of risk and uncertainty and unknown when we embark in new ventures and that's okay.

Do the best you can and then trust yourself and have your own back that you have done the best you could.

No beating yourself up, no judgment, only love and self compassion. then let's say worst case scenario, you decide that you've done a year of the degree and it's not for you and it's not what you wanted.

Make sure that when you think about it or when you talk about it, you frame it in a way that serves you. Aside from not beating yourself up and not judging yourself and not criticizing yourself, you want to make sure that You tell yourself a story about it that has an upside that makes you feel okay about the investment, the time, the decisions that you've made.

So telling the story that it's a waste of time or waste of money or waste of energy is not going to help.

Think of it as research and development.

Think of it as an opportunity. and grow more about yourself, about what you want, about what you don't want, about life, whatever it is, find the opportunity in it, look for the evidence that somehow you have learned something from this, you have grown, and maybe it's not evident in the first few moments or the first few days or weeks, whatever, but look for it, trust that it is there and you will find it, what you look for, you will find.

And you can go around telling the story that you wasted your time, you wasted your money, whatever it is, but there's no upside to that. It's not going to serve you. It's not going to make you feel good.

So tell yourself a story that's equally true about how it was okay that it was worth your time, that you've learned something from that, that it was research and development.

Wasted time is not a thing.

It's not a thing.

It's only a story that you make up and tell yourself.

But it's not a fact. So don't hold that against yourself.

The fact is that you have no idea what you would have done otherwise, how you would have spent your time, whether you would have spent it more constructively or learned something different or better.

You have no idea. with one of my clients, I landed up talking about how she was upset about a recent graduation ceremony for her kids, or one of her children, that her husband was there with his new girlfriend. And she blamed herself because she had initiated a divorce, a few years earlier and found herself at this graduation ceremony, thinking things should have been different. And that if she hadn't initiated the divorce, then they all would have been there as a happy family. They would have all been able to go out afterwards for dinner, whatever it was.

But she had told herself this elaborate story about if this hadn't happened, this is the way it would have been now. And okay, maybe. But you have no idea. You have no idea that things would have played out that way.

Maybe she initiated the divorce, but if she hadn't, maybe her husband would have initiated it six months later. You have no idea. don't tell yourself this story and use it against yourself that if you hadn't done this, then things would have been better.

Now things would have been so much different and so much better because it doesn't work that way. remember wasted time is not a thing. you have no idea how things would have turned out differently if you had not spent that time or that energy or done that thing to don't tell yourself that story, don't use it against yourself.

All right. That's what I have for you today.

There's no such thing as waste of time.

That's it.

If you're thinking about taking on something new, doing something different, your brain is going to freak out a little bit. It's going to use fear to try and convince you not to do the thing. And that's normal.

Nothing has gone wrong.

Your opportunity here is to look closely at what you want to do, examine the facts, do your research, figure out if it is something you want to do and like your reasons. And then make a commitment for six months, a year, whatever it is to try it and then reevaluate, re examine what is going on and whether your reasons are still valid.

And if you still like them and then you can continue, but whatever you don't beat yourself up.

Don't criticize yourself.

Don't judge yourself.

Always act from a place of love and self compassion, and you've got this you can take yourself to the next level. You can try new things. You can go and do whatever it is you want to do. Your brain is driving you to. It's going to help you evolve, to go to the next level.

If you feel like you're meant for more, it's because you are, but your brain is also going to work against you.

It's going to try and keep you scared. It's going to try and protect you. It's going to try and hold you back. know that's going to happen and just be aware that nothing has gone wrong.

You have to allow the fear, but consciously choose thoughts that will generate a feeling of courage for you and move yourself forward.

All right, everybody. If you have a moment to rate review, subscribe, I would really appreciate it. It helps me to get the podcast to newer and broader audiences. If you have a moment to take the time to do that. Otherwise I will talk to you in another week.

Don't forget about the masterclass. The link is in the show notes for you to register.

And if you want to try coaching for yourself, if you want to talk about taking yourself to the next level, getting more for yourself, trying something new, sign up and we'll talk. Thanks everybody. Take care.

Bye bye.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin.

We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again.

As always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one on one coaching session.

You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristavguertin.

Don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple Podcasts.

Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time.