How to build confidence

Everybody, welcome to mini episode Monday. This is This Daring Adventure, and I am Trista Guertin, your host. So I wanted to give you one powerful mindset shift to carry you into the week. And this week I wanted to talk about confidence, specifically how it's built and why so many of us are waiting for it instead of actively creating it. and I find that confidence is one of those things that people talk about the same way they talk about motivation or discipline or regret. It's that it's somewhere out there and they don't have any control over whether it lands on them and it lands on them, but whether they have it or not, and it just kind of happens and there's no responsibility and there's no active creation. But I want to tell you that there is actually responsibility and there is actually creation involved in all of those things, whether it's competent motivation, discipline, or regret rent. Obviously in the case of regret, you don't want it. The others you do want, but we have a role and we have that power to create that, or not create it for ourselves depending on what we want and what we don't want. And so many women over the age of 50, especially those of you who are self-employed, running businesses, coaching, creating, leading, whatever it is. Whether you're a contractor, a coach, a business owner, a consultant, you've been sold a lie. And that is that confidence is a personality trait, that it's something that either you have or you don't have, and that it should just magically arrive one day and then suddenly you'll feel ready to post or launch or raise your prices or speak boldly or make that ask or create whatever it is you want to create. But the thing is, is that confidence is not a trait. It's a skill. It's a choice. You practice and it's a muscle that you build, and a lot of it is just built in the doing. That's it. The more you do something, the more confident you feel. Now, if you feel stuck right now, if you've been circling that next level version of your business and your life for months or years, and if you keep saying things like, I'm just not ready. I need to feel more clear. I need to learn more. I'll do it when I'm more confident, I want to offer you this. You don't feel stuck because you're not ready. You feel stuck because you're waiting for confidence instead of creating it, and you're giving into the fear and the doubt and the worry I. Now listen, this is very normal and nothing has gone wrong if this is what you're experiencing, it's part of our human experience. It's the way our brain functions that it defaults to fear and doubt and worry. It thinks it's keeping you safe. And so this fear and doubt and worry is always going to come up, but there will be different flavors of it. There will be different levels of it, and you will get better at overcoming it, managing it, and going and doing whatever it is you want anyway, but you're never fully going to escape that fear and that doubt and that worry, because that's how our brain operates. Now, it helps to take that action because then you build up that evidence in your brain. And so the more you take action, the more your brain will see and have that evidence that you can do something. And so let me say that for the woman in the back who thinks she needs more courses or more certifications or that perfect plan, confidence comes after the action. And the more you do it, the better you'll become at it. The, it's a muscle that you will build. So the important thing here is that you don't become confident and then go do the thing. You have to go live scared and doubting yourself and worried about all the things, and then you will build that confidence. But the confidence comes by knowing that you can figure it out, that you can go ahead, you can handle any emotion, you can do this. And no matter what happens, you will figure things out and you will be okay. And so one of the best examples I have is creating this podcast. A podcast changed my life. I was listening to a podcast episode and then I started listening to a podcast and it changed my life and I loved the idea of the podcast. I love listening to podcasts. I listen to them all the time, and I had this idea in my head, I had no really clear vision other than a podcast had changed my life, and I thought, wouldn't it be amazing if I could create something and put material out there that maybe would help somebody somewhere? I had no idea what I was doing. I just had this drive inside me, right? I knew that I could create something, but I had no reason to, to know why. I had never done anything like this before, but I thought it would be helpful for my coaching practice and for my clients. So I, I just had this drive inside me to do this, even though I had no idea what I was doing. And for some of us, luckily, that drive to create, that drive to be curious, that drive to see what's possible, becomes stronger than the fear and the doubt and the worry. And so that makes it a little bit easier for us to take action and to go forward, but I still didn't know what I was doing. I was still afraid of what people would think. I was pretty unsure of myself, and I basically just sat down with my laptop one day and turned on Zoom and recorded the first episode. And I hesitate to tell you to go, like, don't even go back and listen to them because I'm sure I sound, I, I even, was so scared I couldn't even listen to myself. I think I listened to parts of it, but I think I, I know I sounded so unsure and unsteady, but it's a skill that I've developed over time and I still don't know that I know exactly what I'm doing, but I know I know more than I did before. So that repetition has helped me to be more confident. And certainly then the benefits have compounded over time. I. But that fear was there. You can hear it in my voice. The doubt was there. The worry was there. What are people going to think? And of course, you publish your first episode and nobody's even listening, right? So most of the time, like when you go to publish something or post something, nobody's really looking at least at the beginning. But you have it in your mind. And certainly I did that. Whoa. what are people going to think? What are they gonna say? How's this going to sound? So I had to take that first step. I. And certainly having that desire, having that curiosity and being willing to want it more than I didn't want it. And I think that's one been one of the driving factors in my life. Everything I've done is because I've wanted to do it more than I didn't want to do it. And I've followed that voice and I've followed that desire. And it can really help you to get clear about why you want something why it's important to you and really like that reason, and really focus on that and let that be your driving force to generate that confidence in you rather than the fear of whether you're going to be any good, whether it's going to be a success, whether somebody's not going to like it or somebody's going to make a comment, focus on that reason. And so, if you've reached this age, if you're in your fifties, you already know how to do hard things. And if you are looking at creating your own business or you already have something that you've created, you're self-employed, you're an artist, you're a coach, you already know how to do this, and you've done a lot, you've made important decisions and you've reinvented yourself probably more than once. And now you're ready to do more and you're ready to go to the next level. And this is just the next thing. It's not harder, it's just different. And the only thing between where you are and where you want to be is belief and we have to grow that belief. We have to generate it, we have to build it, and that's normal and it's okay. Even if you don't believe a hundred percent today, this is the work that we do. We start to build that belief. I didn't start off as a coach, knowing that I would be a good coach, that I knew what I was doing, that I could create a podcast, that I could create a business, I had to actively work on that belief every single day. This is what I spend the bulk of my time teaching my clients is how to do that process, but I believe a hundred percent in them when they start, and then they can borrow that belief because I know you can do it. I know absolutely that you can do it. It's okay that you don't believe a hundred percent right now. You work on that belief, you work on that confidence, and you keep going and you figure it out. You believe that you can figure it out. You believe that you can do scary things. You believe that you can experience any emotion and you're going to be okay. You believe that you don't need to be perfect. You just need to show up, and you need to just keep going. So this week I want you to practice something. Ask yourself this every single morning. Go to the mirror, ask yourself, if I were already confident, how would I show up today? And then go and do that, because you will show up completely differently. You will have a different energy. Are you going to send that email? Are you going to raise your rates? Are you gonna stop editing your thoughts? Confidence doesn't require you to feel ready. It only requires you to act as if you are and you can practice it, and you build that and you will get that evidence and you will create more of it. And when you start doing that consistently, you become that person that can do that thing and does do it. So you don't need more time. You don't need more training. You don't need to have it all figured out, and you certainly don't need to feel more confident. You need to just start moving, take the next small step. The confidence that you want is on the other side of the action you're avoiding, and you are 100% capable of taking it. You can borrow my belief in you. Stop circling the idea and start becoming the person who does the thing. You've got this. Keep going.