Liking Yourself

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset, mentor, and life coach, Trista Guertin

Hey everybody. Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. So it looks like spring has arrived here, which if you're keeping track, it's been a long time coming. We've literally had winter here for six months, like the entire time that I've been here. I don't understand. It's a big adjustment. Lemme tell you, because the Mediterranean climate is the best climate in the world. there's nothing you can tell me otherwise. Alright, so. Welcome back. Thank you for joining me today. Very excited to have you here. Today we're going to talk about how to like yourself. Now, I want you to really think about this. How much do you actually enjoy the experience of being you? I mean, really when you're lying down in bed at night, no distractions. No filters, no performance. Do you like you? Do you like being in your own brain? In your own skin? And if you hesitated, or you're just like, eh, or you're just a flat out, no. Then buckle up because this episode is going to light a fire under your people pleasing butts. I'm not here to coddle you today. I am here to free you, so let's go. All right. Here's what happens when you don't like yourself, you become an addict. Not to drugs, not to alcohol, although sometimes those things, but primarily you become addicted to other people's approval. You get a little dopamine hit every time someone smiles at your performance. You chase it, you bend, you twist, you smile, you suppress. You become a contortionist for validation, and you start reading other people like you're studying for a final exam. What do they want from me? What will make them like me? How do I become what they need? And just like that, you hand over the keys to your self-worth. Now here's the three punch knockout. One, you're dependent on someone else to feel okay. Two, they are inconsistent. They will love you on Monday and ghost you on Friday. And three, the worst one, is you are betraying yourself in the process. You do stuff you don't want to do. You say yes when your insides are screaming no. You smile when you want to scream. You say you're fine when you're drowning or you're simmering, or you're resentful and you get really good at it. So good. It becomes normal, but deep down, you know, you can feel it. It's that little tug in your gut. You're performing your life instead of living it. And listen, that is not what you were born for. So what's the solution? Here's the thing. You don't need their approval. You need your own. You have either just forgotten how to give it. You've forgotten that you can literally generate your own love and approval and self-acceptance on demand, or you were never taught this. And what you need is real, unconditional, full bodied self love. And that's not about being arrogant. That's freedom. When you like yourself, when you truly enjoy the experience of you, then you will stop the performing. You will stop seeking, and you will start creating. Creating what you want. Creating the life that you think about becoming the person that you want to become. And listen, that's where I come in because I have walked that path. I know what's going on. I know the overgiving and the overachieving and the approval chasing and the biting of the tongue and the pretending that everything's okay and that you like to watch football or you like to eat certain foods or drink certain things or go to certain movies and more. But I have built an entire framework to help you come home to yourself. But this is the work that we do in coaching. This is the work that we do to help you shift out of that people pleasing, lying, bending over backwards act, and get you centered and grounded and solid in who you are and what you want. So the freedom comes in four moves. One is awareness. First, you need to get radically honest. You need to start to notice every little time you abandon yourself. Every fake, yes, every performative, smile, every, I'm fine. That isn't, name it, own it. You don't have to do anything about it right now, but. You can't change what you won't face Next, you want to clean up the belief system that you've been operating under. The one that says, I need them to like me in order to be okay. You don't. You don't need them to like you, you need you to like you. And we rewrite that story with new power sentences. One that sounds like my opinion of me matters most, or I don't owe anyone a performance, or I can disappoint others and still be worthy. This is how you recalibrate your nervous system. Next, you want to do some emotional strength training, and this is the part that no one talks about because you've got to learn how to feel like garbage and not sell yourself out because you know what? Setting boundaries and ending the people pleasing will feel awful at first. You're not doing it. You haven't been doing it. There's going to be a lot of discomfort. You're gonna be saying no when you used to say yes. And it can feel like ripping off skin. It can be terribly painful and terribly uncomfortable, but that's okay. You can handle anything. You can handle any feeling, and I teach you how. You become emotionally resilient and you can handle this. You let the other people have their emotions, you have your own emotions. There's going to be discomfort. It's not necessarily gonna be rainbows and daisies, especially at first. It will become easier. It will become more normal as you do it more and more often. But at first, it's going to feel really weird and uncomfortable And that's okay. Nothing has gone wrong. Then fourth, you want to act from authenticity. This is where you want to take bold, future self aligned action. No more tiptoeing, no more editing yourself to fit other people's preferences. No more dimming your light. You become the version of you who is unbothered, unapologetic, and unshakeable, and this is the work that we do in coaching. This is what the Unstuck program is about. It's learning how to build that relationship with yourself. It's learning how to reshape your self concept and your identity. It's learning how to manage your mind and your emotions around the discomfort, around the things that you're not used to doing, and then intentionally and purposefully thinking and feeling in a way so that you can create whatever it is you want. You think about what you want in the future and you start to go after it. This is the solution. It's not about building a prettier mask, it's about taking the mask off for good. And here's what happens when you do this work. You walk into rooms and you don't care who approves. You make decisions from a place of clarity, not fear. You feel light, you feel clean, you feel powerful. You stop tolerating crumbs because you know that you deserve so much more. You stop chasing approval because you already approve of you, and if others approve of you, it's just like icing on the cake. And other people will notice and they'll start to say things like, you've changed and you will smile and you will say, damn right, I have, because it's inevitable when you do this work. So let me ask you again, do you like the experience of being you? Because if not, it's time to change that. And if you're ready to do that, I've got you. So don't just walk away from this conversation and go back to performing your life. Join me. Let's do this work together. Book a free discovery call. The link will be in the show notes, and let's talk about what it would look like for you to actually enjoy your life again, to stop chasing love and start living loved. So let's do this. You're not here to be a marionette for someone else's comfort. You are here to be fully you, unapologetically, irresistibly, unshakably. You don't have to stay stuck in the people pleasing. Let's go.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin. We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life Again, as always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one-on-one coaching session. You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristaguertincoaching. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time.