Managing everyone else's moods

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor, and life coach, Tri

Hey everybody. Welcome back to This Daring Adventure today. Just before we start, I do want to invite you to my free webinar on September 24th. At 2:00 PM Eastern Time, it is breaking free from Stuck and I'm gonna be going over why we get stuck, what we can do about it, some of the best tools and skills that I use with my clients. And I'm also going to be giving you a special introduction to my new coaching community called You Redefined. That's where I'm putting all of my best material free coaching sessions, a private podcast and lots of other goodies inside, it's a phenomenal deal. It's $19 a month, you can try it free for seven days. So I want to introduce you to that and show you everything that's going on in there. And if you join us live, you will get a very special gift Or if you can't make it live, that's not a problem. And of course I will be sharing a replay afterwards. So plan on red string and joining me on September 24th for breaking free from Stuck. I will put the link in the show notes and I can't wait to see you there. Alright, so let's dive into a story that I think many of you will relate to. It's about a child's birthday party, but really it's about something much bigger. It's what happens when you feel like you're carrying the emotional weight of your entire family, the world, your colleagues, your friends, what have you. This particular story has to do with family. But I'm pretty sure you will be able to see yourself if the situation is different and how it can apply to you. So here's the snapshot. A mom plans a birthday party for her daughter, except her husband hates parties. She worries about his mood, about how he's gonna handle the noise, the mess, the sugar. So she moves the date, she shortens the event and makes sure that he's okay. The daughter just wants a fun sleepover, but because mom is already exhausted from managing everyone else's feelings, decides it's too much party ends early, kids are a little disappointed. Mom feels guilty like she let her dot her down. Now, does this sound familiar at all? Maybe as I said, it's not a birthday party for you. Maybe it's a holiday dinner or a vacation Or just an ordinary Tuesday night. And this can be your family life, it could be your work life, it could be within your own friend group. It, it really is applicable in several situations. So let's look at what's going on here. The circumstance is neutral birthday party scheduled for a specific date. That's it. Very neutral. But the thought running the show for mom is that I don't know that I can do it all. And from that thought comes the feeling of overwhelmed. And when we feel overwhelmed, we act from overwhelm. We over manage. We people please. We negotiate with ourselves and with others. We change the day. We shorten the time. We anticipate someone else's meltdown. We try to control everyone else's experiences and feelings. The result is that we create a party and a life planned from lack. Not from joy or confidence, but from the fear that we can't handle it and our brains think that they are protecting us. If I can just keep my husband calm and my kid happy, no one will explode and I'll be safe. But in reality. You cannot control someone else's mood. You cannot control someone else's feelings. You can't guarantee your child's endless happiness and bending yourself into a pretzel doesn't prevent disappointment. And when we try to manage everyone else. We abandon ourselves. We stop listening to what we want. We stop trusting that other people can handle their own emotions. And if we keep going this way, we train everyone around us, our families, our bosses, our friends, our colleagues, Without ever saying a word that our needs don't matter. Our kids don't learn how to feel disappointment because we're always trying to prevent it. Our partners never build their own emotional resilience because we're carrying it for them, and we stay stuck and resentful and exhausted. But here's the good news. The solution isn't fixing your husband or making your kids eternally happy. The solution is an internal shift. First, you want to be able to name the circumstance clearly. In our situation, it's birthday party scheduled for Saturday at three, nothing more. Second, you want to separate the facts from the thoughts, I don't know that I can do it all is a thought, not a fact. A fact would be you have eight girls coming for the party. Third, you want to own your results. Your actions create your results. Not his mood, not their disappointment. Yours. And fourth, you wanna allow everyone to have their own experience. Your husband can dislike parties. Your daughter can feel disappointed, and you can still love yourself and them. When you drop the judgment of yourself and of their emotions, you see what's already true. You did a great job this is where coaching changes everything. And on our own, these thoughts feel like reality. We're adding so much drama and we believe it and we think it over and over again, and we believe that we have to do something about them. But, in actual fact, when we start to pull them apart and see what is going on and what it's ultimately creating for us, then we can actually get some space take. The emotion down a not, and then decide intentionally and deliberately what we want to do in this situation, how we wanna show up, and most importantly, we decide what we want to be thinking and feeling in order to create a different result. Imagine planning the party from a thought like, I can create a celebration we'll all remember. How different would you feel? Calm, capable, creative. And from that feeling, your actions and your results completely transform. So here's my challenge for you this week. Notice one place where you're trying to manage someone else's mood. Pause, breathe, and then remind yourself their emotions are theirs. Mine are mine. All right, if you've been nodding along, because this makes sense to you and this is your life in some respect, always managing, always responsible for everyone else's moods, here's your next step. Book a free consult with me for one-on-one coaching. This is a powerful 45 minute conversation where we look right at what's keeping you stuck, and map out the exact shift that will change everything, and you'll learn how working with me one-on-one can create some. Pretty amazing results in your life. This is some of the best work that you will ever do for yourself. And if you're a woman who is motivated, done with waiting and ready to create real change, this call is your turning point. We'll uncover what's blocking you, decide what you want next, and I'll show you how we'll get you there together. After our consult call, you will know the path forward. You will feel the relief of a plan and the excitement of possibility. And if you're craving an ongoing space to keep growing, I created you redefined just for you. It's my new coaching community, as I mentioned at the beginning, where we build the skills to stop the people pleasing, set strong boundaries, calm your nervous system and coach your own mind. In 90 days, you'll feel steady and confident like you're back in charge of your life because you'll know exactly how to create the results you want no matter what's happening around you. So here's what to do. Go to the link in the show notes and schedule that consult today. Don't wait for the right time. This is the right time. And second, after we talk, join us in You redefined and keep the transformation going. No one else's mood gets to run your life. Your husband, your kid's disappointment doesn't define your worth. You are the solution and I can help you prove it. All right, my friends, that's your invitation. Click the link in the show notes, book your consult, and let's get started. I'll talk to you next week. Bye-bye.