Silent Sabotage

Hey everybody. Welcome to this Daring Adventure and it's mini episode Monday. Just a reminder that if you're listening to this today, as I publish it on May 5th, we are having a masterclass tomorrow, May 6th at 7:00 PM Eastern standard time, Eastern daylight time, sorry. But it is triggered to transformed and it is emotional tools that actually work and I'm very excited to be teaching this class. I think it's going to really give you some tangible tools to take away and use right away. It's going to teach you some of the things that probably we should have learned back in high school but didn't. So I think it's going to be, in fact, I know it's going to be a really helpful, interesting class. 60 minutes if you can't make it live. If you register, you will receive the replay and come live. Stay for the entire class and you will receive a free gift. So it's a win-win. Anyway, I hope to see you there. The link to register will be in the show notes and otherwise let's get on with the class. So today I wanted to dive into something that's probably sabotaging your life right now without you even really realizing it. And it's from a quote that I read from Jack Canfield, I'm reading the Success Principles, and he wrote, don't Assume against yourself and think about it, how many times today, this week, this month, have you already counted yourself out before even trying? How many times have you decided that something wasn't possible for you specifically? I know I can already count a few times, so let's get into it and see what we can do about that. Here's the deal. Our brains are absolutely magnificent at one thing, and that's keeping us alive. That's its primary job, particularly that primitive part of our brain, that survival brain. And do you know how they do that? It's by constantly scanning for danger, for threats, for anything that might hurt us. It keeps us in fear, in doubt and overwhelm. But the problem is that your brain doesn't know the difference between actual physical danger and the discomfort of putting yourself out there. It goes back to the cave days. Everything was a threat. Everything was a worry. It was trying to ensure our physical survival so that we could survive the day and make it to tomorrow. That was its goal Now it's not necessary as it was back then, but That part of our brain is still operating in the same way. And so it doesn't want us to put ourselves out there. It doesn't want us to try something new, and it doesn't want to take any risks, particularly around rejection. So let me paint you a picture. Let's say you see an opportunity, maybe it's a promotion, a new job, a dating prospect, a business idea. What's the first thing your brain does? If it's anything like mine, it goes, whoa, hold up. That looks risky. Let me give you all the reasons why that won't work for you specifically, right? And. You can fairly easily and quickly talk yourself out doing that thing, and you land up thinking, I'm not qualified enough. I'm too old to start something new. People like me don't do things like that. What will everyone else think? I. Your brain is literally assuming against you. It's making up stories about your limitations before you even have given yourself a chance. And listen, I see this all the time with my coaching clients. I. They are brilliant, capable women in their forties and fifties who have a lifetime of experience and skills and intelligence, but they have internalized these assumptions so deeply that they don't even recognize then as assumptions anymore. They treat these thoughts as cold, hard facts, and that's what they feel like. When we're thinking these thoughts. Our brain, it just, it. Feels true. It feels real. It feels like a fact. So we tell ourselves, I'm too old to change careers. I don't have the energy I used to. That ship has sailed for me. And we believe these, even though they're not facts. These are just simply assumptions that you're making against yourself and the cost is that you stay stuck. You play small. You watch other people live the life you secretly want, thinking that they have something that you don't. That you don't have what it takes, and You resign yourself to, this is just how it is for me thinking. So what's the solution? It's both ridiculously simple and incredibly challenging. Stop assuming against yourself. That's it. That's the whole solution. But listen, I know what you're thinking. It's great advice, but how do I exactly do that when these thoughts are automatic? They happen very quickly. Here's how: you start treating those negative assumptions like a detective investigating a crime. You get curious, you examine the evidence. what are the facts and what's the drama that your brain is adding? Imagine you have this neighbor who constantly gossips about everyone on your street, and she's always saying things like, did you hear John's business is failing, or, I think Lisa and her husband are headed for divorce. At first, you might believe her, but eventually you'd start to think, wait a minute. Should I verify some of this before I take it as truth? That gossipy neighbor? That's your brain. And all those assumptions it's making about your capabilities, your worthiness, your potential, those are just gossip. They are not facts, but you've been thinking them so long and so often that they just feel real and they feel true, and they come up very, very quickly. When your brain says, I'm too old to start a business, you need to approach that thought the way you'd approach your neighborhood gossip. That's an interesting assumption. Is there actual evidence to support that or am I just assuming against myself? You really wanna slow down. You really wanna take your time to look at this. What is a fact? What is the drama or the gossip in this case? I want you to get furious at how these assumptions have held you back. They have kept you playing small all of these years, and I want you to get passionate about questioning every single limiting belief Your brain feeds you because you have no idea what you're capable of. None and neither does your brain. It's just a story that it's making up in your head, and the only way to find out is to stop assuming against yourself and start taking action. Now, let's get practical. Here's the process I use with my clients. Step one is awareness. We always start with awareness. Start noticing when you're making assumptions against yourself. Now, this will take practice. It'll take a bit of time and effort because these thoughts are so automatic. You probably don't even recognize them. You need to slow down. They will disguise themselves as being. Realistic or knowing your limitations. But here's a clue. Anytime you use phrases like, I can't, or I am not the kind of person who, or that's not for people like me, or I am too old slash busy, slash inexperienced, whatever it is, you're probably assuming against yourself. Now step two is to question everything, and I mean everything. When you catch one of these assumptions, ask yourself, how do I know this is true? What else could be true? Is this a fact or is this a story that I'm telling myself, drama that my brain is creating? And I love this question. Who would I be without this belief? And then finally, what if the opposite were true? These are some really powerful questions. Taking the time to think about these can really make a big shift in your thinking. I. Step three is to flip the script. Take that assumption and deliberately choose to believe the opposite. Even just as an experiment. Just for fun, let's just pretend for a bit instead of, I'm too old to make career changes. Try. Try on my age gives me unique advantages in a new career. Instead of, I don't have enough experience, try my fresh perspective is exactly what's needed. Step four is to take one action from this new belief. Just one. It doesn't have to be massive, but it needs to be something you wouldn't have done if you were still assuming against yourself. Let me give you another analogy. Think about gardening. If you assume your soil is terrible and nothing will grow, you won't plant anything, and guess what? The thing will grow. Confirming your assumption. But what if you question that assumption? What if you try planting just one seed? That tiny action, that planting, despite your assumption, is the only way to discover what's actually possible. And what's possible is literally anything. So your brain is like that gardener who's convinced nothing will grow. Your job is to plant anyway. So what happens when you stop assuming against yourself? Let me tell you about my client Diane. Diane came to me at 52, convinced that her creative career was essentially over. She said, nobody takes women my age seriously in this industry, and she just was assuming against herself, but I refused to believe her. And we worked through this process that I just shared with you, and she learned to gain that awareness and catching these assumptions. She questioned them relentlessly like it was her job. She flipped the script from, I'm too old to my experience gives me an edge, and then she took one small action. She submitted a project proposal that she had been sitting on for months. She was terrified for sure, and her brain tried to talk her out of it with a million reasons why she'd be rejected. But she did it anyway, and that's where your power is. You do it anyway. And not only did she get the project, but the client specifically mentioned that her years of experience were exactly why they chose her. That single action taken despite her brain's assumptions against herself, created a ripple effect. Six months later, Diane has more work than she can handle and she's actually turning clients away. She's a real success story. This result wasn't just about a better career, but it was about a complete transformation in how she sees herself and what she believes is possible for herself and for her life. And that's what I want for you. That's what I want for all of us. When you stop assuming against yourself. Everything changes. When you stop listening to those lies that your brain is telling you it's well-meaning, but it's not helpful, and you stop living your life based on these made up limitations. You start taking actions that actually test what's possible for you. And here's the kicker. Most of what you discover will surprise the hell out of you. You're capable of so much more than your brain gives you credit for. Believe me, think about it. Every great achievement in human history started with someone refusing to assume against themselves, and it would've been so easy for them to do so, but in reality, we would've still been living in caves. So every breakthrough, every innovation, every movement forward began with someone saying, but what if I can. And you are no different. Your life is no different. I promise you, your brain might tell you that you are, that it's the same, that you don't have what it takes, but that's not helpful and your breakthrough is waiting on the other side of those assumptions. So your assignment for this week is I want you to catch one negative assumption you make about yourself. Just start with one, write it down, and then I want you to flip it, write down the opposite belief, and then, and this is the important part. I want you to take one action from that new belief, something small but meaningful. if you want, share it with me and I would love to hear about it. Let me know what happened when you stopped assuming against yourself, even just for a moment, because I am not assuming against you, I know full well what you're capable of, even if you don't see it yet. remember, your brain will always default to the negative, but your job is to defy it. Let's go. Thanks for listening. Now go do something that scares your brain, but lights up your soul, and I'll talk to you in a couple of days. Bye-bye.