The motivation myth

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor, and life coach, Trista Guertin.

Hey everybody. Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. So today I wanted to talk about motivation versus discipline and the real secret to moving yourself forward and creating what you want. I know that almost every single woman I coach brings this up. At some point it's motivation or more accurately the lack of it. They say, if I could only feel more motivated, I'd finally start that business, or I'd leave that job, or I'd speak up, I'd stop people pleasing. I'd finally go after that big dream that won't leave me alone. Does that sound familiar? And so if that's you, then stay with me here Because what you think is a motivation problem probably isn't, and what you need isn't more motivation. It's something way more powerful. So let's get into it. Let's look at why you're not motivated and why that's not a problem. Motivation is a feeling. It's great when it shows up, right? You feel inspired, lit up, you're on fire, and then three days later, life happens. You're tired, your kids get sick, you get criticized, you have a fight with your partner, and boom, you think something's wrong with you because you are not motivated anymore, but motivation is unreliable by nature. It's not designed to be your fuel. We all think it's supposed to be, but we don't want to wait for motivation, right? We have to move ourselves forward by taking action. And then that's how you create your motivation. So you don't wait for motivation, you generate it by doing. Even when you don't feel like it, and this is where discipline comes in, because discipline isn't a punishment. It's basically. A love letter to your future self. Yes, we hear discipline, and immediately we think restriction. Bootcamp. No joy, but let's flip that, and I think this is an important shift. Discipline is choosing what you want most over what you want now. I'm quoting Tony Robbins here and he says, people are not lazy. They simply have impotent goals. That is the goals do not inspire them, and this is where so many women in midlife get stuck, right? They've been living everyone else's dream. They've been raising the kids, they've been supporting the spouses. They've built those careers, they've taken care of their parents. They're playing nice. They're. Being reliable, good. All the things. Nice, kind, whatever you have. But what about your dreams? It's okay to want more. That's not selfish. That that is your life calling you. Now discipline is how you honor that call. How you honor that voice, how you honor that desire, that nudge inside of you. It's how you build self-trust. It's how you create the life that matches who you truly are, who you wanna become, and what you really want, not what you've settled for. Now in order to do this, we need to look at repetition and pain and pleasure. Now, Tony Robbins also teaches that repetition is the mother of skill. And I think about this all the time when I'm working with clients and especially new coaches, right? They're afraid to repeat themselves. They're afraid their clients will get bored. But here's the thing: repetition is how we learn. It's how we grow, and it's how we embody and new way of being. You didn't learn how to ride a bike or speak a new language in one shot. Great. We're never one and done. You have to repeat the motions over and over. You practice, you adjusted, you try again. And that's how mastery is built. And I know that's really true for myself because I will tell you there are certain podcast episodes or coaching calls or blogs. YouTube videos that I have read and watched and listened to over and over again. That's what helps me to actually be a good coach now because I know this material inside out, upside down, backwards and forwards. I can now talk and do these webinars for an hour. No problem because I know this material. I have learned it. I have lived it. I am teaching it, and I know for myself that this is the key. I also did this when I was learning Spanish years ago now, but I know the key was not just practice speaking it, but learning, Memorizing the words, the language, the verb tenses, practicing over and over and over again, and then speaking it, practice, speaking it over and over again. You're never one and done. It takes hours, but that's okay. This applies to how we think as well, because if you're practicing negative self-talk and these thought loops, you're training your brain to be great at it, and your brain loves that because it's easy. So you build these well-worn neural pathways and you build these beliefs because you keep thinking the same thoughts over and over again. And then if you're practicing avoidance or overthinking, guess what? Those are the skills you're building as well. Your brain is always learning. So the question is what are you teaching it? and then another really interesting idea is that success comes from learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you, which is really interesting because I always say, you have to manage your mind or it will manage you. And so this is basically in the same vein as that we really want to use that pain and pleasure, which. Is a part of our brain's motivational triad, right? Seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and being as efficient as possible. And then we are taking control. We are managing ourselves. When you associate pain and pleasure with what you link them to shapes your behavior, Most people aren't driven by actual outcomes, but by what they believe will cause them pain or pleasure. Do you associate showing up online with humiliation, speaking up with rejection? Then it's no wonder you're not doing those things. You've wired your brain to avoid them. We only start to shift these when we start linking pleasure to growth, to risk, to consistency. When you link pain to staying stuck, giving up on yourself, not going after what you want, not growing or missing out on the life you truly want, then that's when we start to move ourselves forward. Now, Earl Nightingale said something that I really appreciate. He said, success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. So it's something that you really want, something that is important to you, that means if you're taking even the tiniest steps towards the life you actually want, you're already successful. You don't need to be perfect. You don't need to do it all today. You don't have to have it all figured out. You just need to decide what's my worthy ideal? What do I really want? Who do I want to become? What do I want to create? Because here's what happens. When you get clear and you take any consistent action, you create momentum. And momentum will create motivation. So here are three practical steps to get unstuck starting today. Let's make this really practical for you. I want to give you three things you can do right now to stop waiting and start moving forward. First, write down your worthy ideal. Not what your parents expected of you, not what your partner expects, not what you think your children would think of when it comes to you, not what your colleagues or friends think is appropriate. What you want. Write down what you want and write it in the present tense. Let's say it's, I am a confident woman who runs her own successful business, or I am financially free and in love with my life. I'm living boldly without apology. And this is going to be your inner compass. Put it on your mirror, speak it out loud every day, write it down, let it become a part of you, and then pick one daily discipline. Just one, something small that moves you towards that idea. Maybe it's 10 minutes of journaling. Maybe it's one phone call. Maybe it's, it's writing a blog post or posting an idea online. Maybe it's just drinking more water and eating more healthfully because you want to feel energized and alive. But small can be powerful and small. Done consistently is truly unstoppable. I. Now just a word of warning. I want you to expect resistance and then keep going anyway, because your brain is going to freak out. It's going to say, who do you think you are? It's too late. You're going to fail. You can't do this. You're not good enough. All the things, but that's not the truth. That's just old programming that your brain trying to protect you. It's defaulting to the negative. It's looking for problems. It's using fear, so let it talk, let it be there, but then you get to decide what happens next. Courage is acting with fear, not without it. The fear may always be there, but it doesn't mean that anything's gone wrong, and it doesn't mean stop I want you to know that self-love is not a destination, but it's something that you need to practice, and this is the heart of it all. Every time you show up for yourself, you're building self-love, you're building self-trust, you're building self-confidence. Every time you take a risk, you say no to someone else's dream and yes to yours, and you're becoming a woman who really trusts herself Then. And that's when things get interesting. That's when you build success emotionally, financially, socially, whatever it is you want. That's what creates a life you're proud of. That's how you become the woman you want to become. So you don't need more motivation. You need a clear vision. You need daily discipline. You need to decide that you are worth showing up for, even when it's hard. And you are worth it. I want you to know that. I want you to start believing that. Just decide you are worth it. So this week, choose one thing to do differently. Not next month, not when you feel ready, but now because your life is calling. there's no judgment. We're here cheering you on. This is your safe space. Listen to this over and over again, if that helps. And then take the next step. Make this your daring adventure and start with the decision to move even without motivation, and that will become your superpower. If you want help with this, this is what I do. This is what I do best. This is my work. So the link to get on my calendars in the show notes, we can have a powerful conversation. Tell me where you are and tell me what you want. Even just having that conversation can be so helpful. But I will tell you that I have a powerful three month program that can really help you to lift the weight off your back, start to unwire and unwind all of that stuckness and all of that tension that you're feeling help to start, you move forward. It's important work, so let's talk. Invest that 45 minutes in yourself. I promise it'll be worth it. All right. Thanks everybody for listening. I have a couple of things, events coming up in the next few weeks, starting with June 5th. It is my Beyond Willpower Masterclass, and the link to sign up for that will be in the show notes as well. That's Thursday, June 5th, that's 7:00 PM Eastern Time. I would love to see you there and yeah, if you have any questions, if you have an opportunity to rate, review, share and subscribe to the podcast. I would truly appreciate it when we do that. It helps me to reach more and more women each week with this important message. So thank you so much for your time. Thanks for being here, and I will talk to you again next week. Bye-bye.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin. We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life Again, as always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one-on-one coaching session. You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristaguertincoaching. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time.