The thought running your life

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset, mentor, and life coach, Trista Guertin.

Hey everybody. Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. My name is Trista Guertin and I am a master life coach. I am thrilled that you are here today, and I guess I'm just going to dive right into the episode, and this is the thought that is running your life. And it's important that we take a look at our thoughts, particularly those that we have on repeat, because we know if you've listened to this podcast before, that our brain likes to be really efficient and so it will use those well-worn neural pathways in our brain to just keep thinking the same thoughts over and over again. And so your thoughts today are probably the same thoughts that you had yesterday and the day before that, and the week before that, and the month before that. And then pretty soon it turns into years. So. we want to get really aware and conscious of what the thoughts are that are running our lives, our careers, our relationships, our health, all of these things. And it really does affect our entire life. It can be just one single thought, just five words in particular. The one that I see that comes up often is I am not enough. And there could be variations of this. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not doing it well enough. Whatever it is, and it may sound a little small, but this thought is not small. It can be huge. It can have an impact on your entire life, and it's probably running the show more than you realize. So we wanna break this down a bit. Let's look at how it works, how to change it, and then how you can start to shift your life the moment that you do. I know for myself, I'm a pretty capable person. I have the degrees, I have the titles, I have the work ethic. I received good feedback from those around me. But, it wouldn't take much to get me spiraling if I received a message from my manager or. An email from a client or a colleague said they wanted to talk to me, my chest would tighten. I'm sure my breath would shorten, and my brain always went to the worst case scenarios. Like there'd be this little sort of panic like, oh my God, did I do something wrong? And my, what did I do? Am I going to get fired? Is the client gonna quit on me? Or is the quiet. Is the client gonna fire me? Was the report not good enough? Did somebody say something? Did I let them down? What? there's just this whole entire spiral that somehow I had done something wrong and I could hold it together physically and from the outside, I probably looked fine, but on the inside. my brain was on fire with fear and just this constant, it was a spiral, basically just, and a low grade panic because no matter what the, underneath the praise, underneath the perfectionism, underneath the promotions and the success, I was still believing at some level that I wasn't enough, that I wasn't good enough. And it's really interesting because I have done a lot of work to really clean that up, to be aware of it, to start to shift it. But the beauty of our brains is that stuff will continue to come up, and I think it really is part of the beauty because. We're never done. We're continually growing and evolving and going to that next level, and I know that for myself that coaching has really helped me. Oftentimes, I was saying this to a client last night, I don't know what I used to do with myself before this because now I just feel like I'm shifting and I'm changing and growing in so many ways that I didn't know it was possible, and I'm not quite sure really what I did with my time before this. But the point of this story is that I decided last week to start a second podcast because what's more fun than having one podcast? It's having two podcasts. I've been putting this together and the idea was that I would have different coaches prepare a short segment for the podcast episode, answering a question and sharing some of their advice and knowledge and wisdom because there's a lot of great wisdom and experience and knowledge out there from all the coaches that I've met over the years, and I wanted to share that with people who would find that interesting. Perhaps new coaches, old coaches. Doesn't matter who you are, if you're into coaching. it will be really helpful and it's a lot of fun. Okay. But the point is that I had to reach out to some coaches. Now, some of them I know well, or I've worked with them before, they've coached me, whatever it is. So I was fairly comfortable in reaching out to them and inviting them to be on the podcast. And of course I started with the low hanging fruit, with the people that I knew best, and that was that I was most comfortable with. And I want to do, I'm thinking I'll do upwards of a hundred episodes, So now I have a number of episodes lined up and I need to start reaching out to other coaches whom I don't know as well, or who I don't know at all. And some of them I am, I respect, I mean, okay, I respect all of them, sorry. But I am in a little awe of, some of them who have a more successful business than I do, what have you. So it's not easy for me to reach out to them and propose this because I'm like, you don't know who I am, but I'm doing this and would you be interested? And it's just brought up a lot of interesting things. And I think one of them is that I am not good enough, that I am not at the same level and the same caliber, which is technically, not true, although, it could be true that my business is not the same size as theirs. Maybe things are a little bit different in terms of client based what have you, but I don't think that really matters in this case, But my brain goes there and there's certainly a feeling of inferiority and a little bit of anxiety and a bit of worry and fear and discomfort and all the things, right? So the point is that we never really completely outgrow this, and there's always these thoughts that bump up, and I'm actually quite grateful that I have put myself in this position and given myself this opportunity to realize and to really. Work on that, but I realize that this is something that has been running, in my mind for quite a while. And it's very normal. It's very normal. Your brain will look for the problems. It will default to the negative. It will tell you you are not good enough because it's trying to protect you. And yes, it would be more comfortable and it would be safer for me not to reach out to these people, not to make the offer, not to put myself out there, but. I am determined to do it because I think it's such a fun project and when you have that balance of I really want to do this, I'm not sure I can do it, I'm not sure if it's a good idea. And I've just watched my brain spin over the past week and it's been fascinating to watch and to experience and to coach myself through it, to get through it and to go. Anyway, I. it is very easy and it's normal for us to get caught in this pattern and we're thinking, I'm not enough. And possibly you are thinking that too. Maybe not in every moment. Not in every situation, but often enough to keep you stuck in a cycle of fear and anxiety and over-functioning and burnout and what have you And the belief I'm not enough becomes the lens through which you see everything. If you're not aware of it, then you will tend to give into it and just repeat those same patterns. You will read criticism into neutral emails. You apologize for asking questions. You say yes when you want to say no. You stay silent when you should speak up, and you might overwork, overthink over, perform just to feel okay, and this belief will start to feed itself. Every time you shrink, you're confirming the belief. Every time you panic, you confirm the belief. Every time you tell yourself, I should be further ahead, you're confirming the belief. And so what I wanna tell you is that that belief is a lie. It's a well practice one, but it's not true and it's not helpful. So what can we do about it? How do we stop letting I am not enough run the show? Of course. You always have to be aware of it and then you want to challenge it. And it's not about pretending to be confident, it's not empty affirmations, but by understanding what this belief really is, and by replacing it with something far more powerful, I am not enough. Is not a fact. It's a thought. It's a well worn, practiced, survival based thought. It likely started in childhood. We've been thinking these thoughts for years, decades. Some of us in school from our parents or in our early careers or what have you. You got praised for performance and you were scared of getting in trouble. I know I was. I learn to attach my worth to output, to productivity, to being linked to being good, to getting things done. Well, some of you might have perfectionist tendencies, and that definitely shows up in this instance, but here's what's true now. You're no longer in survival mode. You're no longer a kid seeking approval. Your brain has matured and sophisticated, so you're an adult woman now who can decide how she wants to think about herself, but, and I know it seems basic, but it's really, we're really not taught how to do that and how to make it stick. And when you start to choose something different, when you start to choose a new belief, maybe I am enough. Maybe I'm learning to trust myself. Maybe I'm exactly the amount of smart, creative, and capable. I need to do whatever I want to take on this new chapter. To create whatever it is I want in my life. To believe in that possibility. And this is what we do in coaching. We want to identify the default beliefs your brain is running on because they run everything and we examine them and then we challenge them and we replace them with beliefs that feel like the truth. Not just on paper, but in your bones. And it takes work. It takes time, it takes effort, but it's completely possible. And when your brain believes you are enough, you will show up in your life completely differently. In every area, in every relationship, everything starts to shift. You feel so much better. That's one of the things that my clients always tell me is that they're feeling that ease. They feel that a weight has been lifted off their shoulders. They feel that things have started to unwind in a good way and just to loosen up. They just start to think differently and feel better, and then they show up differently in every area of their lives. Here's how you begin to shift this, and you can use this today to start immediately. Step one is always awareness. Paying attention to the, I'm not enough thought. Find it. Where does it show up? What triggers it? Is it feedback? Is it silence? Is it mistake? Is it being around authority? There's no judgment here. There's no need to judge yourself. Nothing has gone wrong. You're not doing anything wrong. There's nothing wrong with you. Just notice it. And when it shows up in the moment, just breathe. Because you're probably moving into fight or flight and your nervous system has gone offline and all the things are happening, so you just want to breathe. You just want to ease into it, just. Take your time and be compassionate. Remind yourself this is a thought, not a truth. You can put your hand on your chest. Feel your feet on the floor, breathe. Let your nervous system know that you're safe and that nothing has gone wrong. And then you want to offer yourself a new thought. And again, you don't need to go to rainbows and daisies and unicorns. You're not going to jump to, I'm amazing, but you can try. Maybe I'm not broken, maybe I'm okay. I am safe. I don't need to be perfect. I can, I am learning to trust myself and these thoughts. Open the door a crack. let the emotion move. If fear or panic comes, remember, don't resist it. You wanna be and allow your emotions. Breathe through it. Feel it in your body. Take a moment, close your eyes if you can, and just identify where it is in your body and breathe into it. Remind yourself that you are safe. This feeling will pass. You're not in danger. Next, you want to build new evidence each day. Track the ways you were enough, celebrate the smallest wins. It could be that you said what you wanted to say in a meeting. It could be that you stopped working at five and went home and had a nice evening with your family instead of reading emails. It could be just that you've let yourself not be perfect. It could be that you just redirected your brain when it did start to panic. These are the new signals you're sending to your brain, and the more you do this, the more you train your brain to believe what's true. You become better at it, it will become easier, and you will start to understand and believe that you are already enough. So when I started to shift this belief for myself, everything changes and it can change for you too. You don't need to work 12 hour days just to feel safe. You don't need to panic over minor feedback or emails. You can stop spinning in fear and start leading with calm and clarity. You learn how to set boundaries. Take real breaks. Ask for what you want. Feel more confident, take more risks, set bigger goals. Put yourself out there and stop playing small, not because someone has given you permission, but because you've given it to yourself. And what happens when you feel that confidence, you become unstoppable. You go after what you want, you stop hiding. You're creating possibilities for yourself. You're creating a life and a career and relationship that you actually want and that actually feel good to live. That's the power of the work that we do. That's the power of shifting one single belief. so if you're tired of living under the weight of, I am not enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not doing well enough. If you're exhausted by the panic and the anxiety, and the pressure and the endless second guessing. If you're ready to wake up in the morning feeling calm and clear and confident in who you are and what you're doing and what you want, then it's time to change the story your brain is telling. I. We can do this together. I'm here to help and I'm very good at what I do. I have the 90 day Unstuck Blueprint. We work together to retrain your brain, reclaim your peace, rebuild your belief in yourself. I, this is deep, transformative work, but it is worth it. It's how you stop just surviving and start living fully as yourself. So get on my calendar. The link is in the show notes. Let's talk. Tell me where you're getting stuck. Tell me what that sentence is in your brain that's running your life, that what might you want to change? Let's talk about the possibilities. Let's talk about where you can go from here, because you don't have to stay stuck. I want to invite you also to a class that I'm doing on June 5th. It's going to be the Beyond Willpower Class. It will dive into how you can create emotional safety for yourself and feel safe enough to make the changes that you want to make in your life. on some level what you wanna do. You're not doing it, and I can help you to start to shift that and move yourself forward and create what it is you want. So the link to that class, June 5th at 7:00 PM Eastern time will be in the show notes as well. Thank you everybody for joining me. Keep your eyes out for my new podcast called Ask A Coach. If you are a coach, I invite you to find it on Apple. I'll definitely be sharing more information about that when I release it next week, but it's going to be super fun. So if you're a coach, please check it out and otherwise, I will talk to you guys next week. Thanks everybody. Bye.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin. We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life Again, as always, you can head to trista gurton.com for additional resources and to book a one-on-one coaching session. You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristaguertincoaching. Don't forget to subscribe, rate and review us on Apple Podcasts. Thanks again for tuning in and we'll see you next time.