When they just won't do it

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor, and life coach, Tri

Hey everybody. Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. So can we talk about the fact that it's now the second half of August? I cannot believe how quickly this year has passed, and we're heading now into September and the end of the year, and I did a. Webinar the other day talking about thriving in 2025 and making a fresh start in September and finishing the year strong and going into 2026. And it's true, but I just think, my gosh, what is going on here? That's fine, and I do encourage you to make a fresh start of September. Your brain loves that break. It loves that fresh start idea, so it's an ideal time to capitalize on that feeling and that momentum and do some work even if you haven't done. The things that you set out at the beginning of the year, or you started and you didn't follow through. It's a good time to begin again, and I always say, just begin again where you are. Start again. Don't make it mean anything. Let's do this. And I have an exciting new program that I wanna share with you today, so that if you are doing that work, if you are keen on making a fresh start for September, following through finishing strong and starting the new year with a great deal of momentum and power, then you're gonna want to look at. My program, it's a monthly coaching membership called You, Redefined, and it's my dream container to work with people to put up some of the best material that there is out there in coaching. We have videos, worksheets, meditations, tappings, all the things that are gonna help you. To work on your mindset, to build emotional resiliency, to strengthen and shape your self concept and identity, build a better relationship with yourself and define your future self you, future you, what you wanna create, where you wanna go, who you want to become. Those are my five pillars. That's the work that we do in You, Redefined. Plus there's gonna be a private podcast. They're gonna be live classes, there's going to be group coaching sessions, eventually all the things that you could possibly want and more. And for a limited time only, we are doing a founder's price since this has just started in the last couple of weeks, it's $19 a month. You can join now. Lock that in for good. No matter how much the price goes up, it will be the best, absolute best value on the planet. I guarantee it's, and I would love to see you in there. It's going to be a lot of fun. I'm super excited about it and I will be doing a special mini episode on it so you can get more details. But the link to join will be in the show notes, check it out. As I said, it's the best value on the planet forever, and it's gonna be a lot of fun. We'll take all of this stuff, all of this knowledge, all of these skills and tools, and apply it directly to your life and. You will change your results, you will grow, you will evolve, you will go to that next level. You will get unstuck for good and I'm there to support you a hundred percent. Alright, so today I wanna talk a little bit about manuals and frustration and getting back to ease and perhaps. You might have found yourself getting frustrated with your partner or your friend, or even a coworker, maybe your children who just won't do the thing you've asked them to do. And it could be something small like putting the dishes in the dishwasher. Maybe it's something bigger, like handling finances, taxes, family responsibilities. You ask, you remind you wait, and nothing happens. And pretty soon. You're carrying resentment Today, I want to explore what's really happening in these moments, and more importantly, how to shift your perspective so you can feel less frustrated, more connected, and still advocate for what you need and want without turning it into a big deal or into a fight. And so let me give you a version of a common example here. Imagine. You're in a relationship or you're married, you have a partner, or your spouse is terrible at administrative tasks. He's smart, he's capable, we love him. But when it comes to things like filing expense reports or following up on paperwork with his family for taxes, he drags his feet. Now you have done everything you can on your side, but at some point you need his assistance, you need his participation, and it doesn't come. Days stretch into weeks. The $600 reimbursement is still unclaimed. The tax deadline is looming, and you feel your frustration growing. Now, on the one hand, you know your thoughts are creating the frustration. You have heard this idea, I've talked about this before, of having a manual. For some other person. In this case, it's your partner. This is a set of rules that you have in your head about how they should behave, what they should do, what they shouldn't do, what they should say, what they shouldn't say. But you know that unconditional love means loosening that grip and that people aren't gonna do what you necessarily think they should do or what they ought to do. But on the other hand, you also need things done. You don't want to nag and nag and nag. You don't wanna feel like you're the only one responsible, and you definitely don't wanna live with that forfeited money or last minute crises. Any of this sound familiar? So why does this feel so hard? The tension here comes from two competing truths. The first is that your emotions are created by your thoughts. It's not his inaction, even though you might think that it is, which is causing your frustration, it's what you make his inaction mean. Maybe you think he doesn't respect my time, or I can't rely on him. Those thoughts create the feeling of irritation or even anger. The second truth is that you're in a real partnership. There are times when someone else's actions or inactions affect you directly. You can't file his expense report without him. You can't magically email his family for the tax document he's responsible for. So yes, while you can choose your thoughts, there's also a real world need to communicate and collaborate. And this is where most of us get stuck because we try to either control the other person and force them to follow our manual, or we swallow our needs entirely and tell ourselves we shouldn't care. We just let it go. Neither approach feels good and both will build resentment over time. So there is a different way forward. And you can reconcile unconditional love, the reality of needing your partner's participation and your own mounting frustration. And the answer lies in three steps. Step one is to separate the manual from your needs. It's completely fair to need your partner's input sometimes, but the manual is the extra meaning we layer on top of their behavior and which causes our suffering. For example, he hasn't filed his expense report is a fact. He doesn't care about our finances is the manual. It's a story that you're telling yourself and you're telling yourself he should care. When you blur those two together, you create a necessary pain. You wanna start by stripping it down. What's the fact of the situation? What could you prove in a court of law, and what's the story that your brain is spinning? His, he hasn't filed the expense report, is the fact, but he doesn't care about the finances, is the drama that your brain is, is offering you. That clarity helps you to enter the conversation from a calmer, less reactive place. Step two is to decide what you're actually willing to do. You always have choices. You can nag and nag and nag and accept the cost of how it feels to you. You can let the money go and accept the cost of the financial loss, Or you can brainstorm workarounds like sitting together for an hour while he completes his part or getting creative about whether you really need his involvement. None of those choices are perfect, I get it. But the key is owning the choice you make instead of staying in limbo hoping he'll change. When you accept that you could decide to part with $600 or you could decide to schedule an accountability session, you shift from powerless frustration to empowered decision making. Step three is to have an honest, intimate conversation instead of bringing this up in the heat of the moment, choose a calm time. Share your experience, but not your blame. So here's what it might sound like. Here's what happens for me. When weeks go by and the expense report isn't submitted, I start to feel anxious and frustrated. I don't like who I become. In those moments, I start nagging, and that's not the relationship I wanna have with you. I'd love to figure out together how we can handle these situations differently. This approach is powerful because it's not about demanding compliance with your manual. It's about letting your partner into your inner world. Sometimes they'll just want to adjust, ease your experience. Sometimes they won't. But either way, you built intimacy instead of walls. And why does this matter? Because when we hold people tightly to our manuals, relationships become battlegrounds. But when we practice separating facts from stories. Owning our choices and sharing vulnerably, we step into a more mature, calm, grounded way of relating. Every relationship will have these $600 moments. Your partner has their blind spots, and so do you. Maybe you forget to return the $300 dress before the deadline. Maybe you neglect something that matters deeply to them. Healthy partnerships are not about perfection, but. They're built on the willingness to work through these differences without making them mean something catastrophic about the other person or the relationship itself. Let's bring it back to you. Think about an area in your life where someone isn't meeting your manual. Maybe it's your partner, your child, your coworker, your friend, your. Brother or sister and ask yourself, what are the facts of the situation? What is the story or the drama that I'm adding to it? What choices do I have and which one do I want to own? And then how can I communicate my experience vulnerably without blame? Do this, and you'll find not only less frustration, but deeper intimacy, more connection, and more power to create the relationship you want. The truth is, problems like these will never fully go away, but you can change your experience of them. You can move from powerlessness and resentment to clarity, ease, choice, and intimacy. And when you do, you'll stop wasting energy fighting manuals and start creating the kind of relationship that you truly want. All right. That's what I have for you today. Don't forget about you redefined. Check it out. I guarantee you it's gonna be the most amazing value and opportunity that you've come across in a long time. It's going to be so much fun. I'm super excited about it. I can't wait to see you there. Have a good week. Talk to you later. Bye.