Underestimating Your Potential

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor and life coach Trista Guertin.

Hey everybody. Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. This is episode 68, underestimating your potential.

So let me dive right in. I thought today I would talk a little bit about what is possible for our lives. What are you truly capable of?

And chances are if you are like me and probably like 99 percent of the women on the planet, except maybe if you're Oprah or Beyonce, you are underestimating your potential. I think the key here is understanding that it's not because you're not talented. It's not because you're not smart. It's not because you're not worthy.

It's not because you don't deserve it. It's not because you're not capable, but as women, we tend to struggle with self doubt and then we underestimate what we can achieve. We just think we're not good enough. It's not possible for us. It's different for other people and we must be doing something wrong. There's something wrong with us. There's just, we just don't have it. We just don't know how to do it. We just don't have the ability to create whatever it is that we truly want.

And I want to go into just a couple of reasons why this happens. And then look at five ways you can start to change and tap into some of that potential and to stop underestimating yourself, to truly start moving yourself forward, get unstuck and create the life that you want. Become the person, become that woman that you always wanted to become because it is possible. first we need to understand and recognize the problem and when we start to look at why we underestimate ourselves in the first place, I believe there are two main reasons.

The first is the way that we are programmed as women. And I say programmed. It's the way we've grown up and especially in Western cultures. And I, from what I've seen, this is prevalent around the world in different cultures, although it may present differently, but the societal norms, the gender stereotypes. The messaging that we receive, the education does tend to keep us from understanding our potential and internalizing instead messages that we should know our place. We should be realistic about what it is we want, that it's not the same for us as it is for men, that And in some instances we're inferior, we're not as good, we're not as capable, we're not as strong. The other reason is, it's the way our brains operate.

Our brain will default to the negative, it will look for problems. It wants to keep us safe, it's trying to protect us. So our brain does play a role just by the way it has been created and just by the way it is and the way that it has evolved keeps us. from thinking about what is possible, taking risks, getting out there and seeing what we're truly capable of. let's dive into some of the societal norms and gender stereotypes and messaging that we receive.

Now, societal norms Especially from, a young age, girls are often socialized to prioritize traits such as compliance, nurturance, modesty, whereas, boys are encouraged to be assertive and competitive and ambitious. These gendered expectations really shape our perceptions of ourselves and our capabilities. look at how, girls and women are described. When they speak up, when they assert their opinions, they can be labeled as bossy, aggressive, bitchy. Whereas a boy displaying the same, or similar type of behavior has leadership skills, is going places. Strong, right? And over time, these societal norms can lead us and we pick them up and we internalize them. So then it presents as doubt. We start to doubt our ability.

We start to think asserting ourselves and showing up and taking our place at the table is not attractive. It's not desirable. It's not a good idea. And so we don't look to pursue ambitious goals and really put ourselves out there, take risks and See what we're capable of, then there are also gender stereotypes,

And these are perpetuated throughout our family lives, our education, the media, and they all tend to reinforce the certain idea that particular roles and occupations are more suitable for us than they are for men. For instance, maybe women are often depicted as caregivers, whereas men are portrayed as breadwinners or leaders. these stereotypes influence us as girls in terms of what we think Are our career aspirations or what we think, what we think is possible for our careers, what we think we can do. And that men are still dominating certain fields such as science, technology, engineering, and mathematics, right? The STEM and women have been teachers, they're housekeepers, they're nurses, right? we continue to fall into some of these more traditional roles. I think beyond that, it's not just the gender roles.

But we're not encouraged to think outside the box. We're not encouraged to think not even just outside of the typical gender roles that maybe women and men fulfill, but just even what might be possible out there for us. And this is probably the same for men. We're not encouraged to not just look at the one, two, three, four, five options that may be quite popular and quite traditional for either gender, but that the possibilities are limitless, but we're not taught that this is the way it could be. we get ourselves boxed into these stereotypes and we're not seeing the bigger picture. We're not exploring the possibilities and therefore we are not exploring our own capabilities, our own potential. We're just not thinking bigger and bolder. We're not told that is actually a possibility. Then, of course, the media always plays a very powerful role. now we have social media. When I was growing up, it was TV and movies. And these continue to shape societal perceptions of our gender roles and our capabilities. Mainstream media portrays women in very narrow roles. Hey, we are the love interests. We're the sidekicks. We're the damsels in distress. We need to be rescued. And while there has been some progress in all of these areas, not just the media, you do see some stronger female characters, you do see more warm women working in certain areas and branching out, but you still see a lot of the traditional trope. You still see a lot of these traditional representations. we do see a lot of emphasis on our figure. We do see a lot of emphasis and we get a lot of messaging about our physical appearance and our youthfulness in the media. Portrayals of women can reinforce that notion that our value primarily lies in our looks and our age, right? It's our youth. That is prized over our intellect or our abilities. And it's absolutely true that we internalize these messages. We may be conscious of them on some level, but I think they are at work and at play within us, within our thought processes and the way we live our lives much more. Then we're actually conscious of most of it is happening at an unconscious level, and therefore it leads us to underestimate our potential, our capacity and what is possible for ourselves in our lives. Beyond, just our youth and our age and our overall traditional roles. so there, there's a huge web of very complex influences at work that tend to shape our perceptions. Particularly this comes to affect the way we live our lives, the way we show up what we focus on and then who we become and what we create for our lives.

Now, starting to unpack some of this starting to gain that awareness can be really important. And I think this is some very intense work. time consuming. I think this is some of the most intense work that has to be done on a personal level. I think it takes time to unpack some of this. I think some of the things we can see quickly and we can understand, but as I said, it's such a complex web. I think it goes very deep and a lot of it is unconscious.

So it's work that needs to be done slowly over the course of perhaps, the rest of our lives. We continue to receive those messages. They don't stop once you become adolescents or young women, the messaging that we receive is constant throughout our lives. therefore it is always. A consideration. It is always at play. So evaluating those messaging and evaluating the impact that it has on our beliefs and our values and the way we perceive ourselves is never one and done, but it is something that you want to do on a regular basis and just to be aware of that, the other aspect that. What leads us to underestimate our capacity is our own brain.

Our brain has been designed to protect us, to keep us safe. We have the primitive survival part of our brain that has kept us alive as a species over thousands and thousands of years. It is the part of our brain that activates the fight or flight. It is there to Keep us alive and it uses fear. It uses fear to keep you in your place. It doesn't like risk. It doesn't like change. It doesn't like to exert effort. It doesn't want you to put yourself out there.

Most of the time it will want you to play small. It will hold you back. It will keep you living in the proverbial cave. And this is simply a mechanism of evolution. It is to protect your physical safety and ensure that you continue to live another day. But as we know, this is no longer necessary.

Your brain will just be constantly scanning for problems. It will constantly default to the negative. It will constantly keep you in a state of fear if you allow it, because that is its job, but it is no longer necessary today. Your physical safety for the most part is not at risk. you need to be consciously aware of what is going on and allow for the fear, understanding what's going on. These messages from your brain are going to come up. The fear is going to be there and You go anyway, you do the thing. Anyway, you channel courage.

You think thoughts that create courage in you, but the fear will always be there as long as you have a human brain. Now, we also at the same time have conflicting impulses because as a species, we also want to grow and evolve. You would not be listening to self development if you didn't feel that there was, if you weren't experiencing that urge to grow and to evolve and to go to the next level, deep down inside of you that you are capable for more.

You are capable of more. You are meant for more, that there is more out there for you. we know this is true because as a species, we have evolved. We are no longer in the cave. We've traveled. We've traveled to other continents. We've traveled to the moon. We're in space. We have that urge to continue to evolve and explore and to grow. So those two urges, the urge to stay safe, to stay alive, to protect yourself competes with the urge to grow and to evolve and to go to the next level. And this is very normal. And most of the time, most people will give into the fear, it's easier, it's safer, it's less risky, requires less energy.

You don't have to learn anything. You don't have to go do anything new. then we don't allow ourselves, we block ourselves from exploring what might be possible and what might be our capacity. To achieve and to grow and to learn, this is very normal. This, as I said, is the way our brain was created. It's the way it functions. It will always be like that for you. You, however, can understand what's going on, have greater awareness, and then start to you override it. You don't give it as much weight. You don't believe the thoughts that your brain is offering you. And in fact, you redirect it and you intentionally choose thoughts that help you to generate courage. to move yourself forward to take the action that you want to take. It takes thought work. It's daily work that you need to do because as long as you have a human brain, it will continue to offer you these thoughts. It will continue to try and protect you through negativity, through scanning for problems, through using fear.

So you will have to allow for that. You will have to be aware of what's going on. And then you will have to do the work to override it to refocus it and to direct it to what you want to create. understanding that you are dealing with two different issues here, your programming and messaging as a woman in society that is designed to keep you playing smaller as well as your brain that is trying to protect you. the first step, as I've mentioned. is doing the daily work. You want to be aware of what your brain is offering you. You want to be aware of the messaging that you have internalized consciously and unconsciously and start to work to overcome them. Question all of the thoughts that your brain is offering, you don't believe all of them unless they are useful to you, unless they are helpful to you, you don't have to believe them. then choose new thoughts that do serve you, that do help to move you forward, that do help you to generate the feelings that you need, courage, discipline, motivation, ambition, strength.

Create thoughts that help you to create those emotions. Start simple. Start with something that you believe. Start with something that feels good. Use a modifier in front. It's possible that, it's probable that, it might be true that I have more capacity than I originally thought. It's possible that I can figure this out. It's possible that I'm meant for more. It's probable that I'm meant for more.

Do the daily work of uncovering those thoughts, creating them intentionally, and practicing them, generate that feeling of courage and of discipline and of motivation and of strength. you will start to show up differently in your life. You will start to explore the capacities, the possibilities that exist for you.

Next, you want to allow yourself time and space to explore what might be possible for you, what your capacities might be. If you don't give yourself time to explore and to think and reflect, you will block yourself. You want to start. I'm going to start believing that those possibilities might exist and then give yourself this space to start seeing what they may be.

Task your brain specifically. If I wanted to do something different, if I wanted to try something different, what would that be? Task your brain to find these. Ask it questions. to start it searching for the answers. Your brain loves to have something to solve. It loves to have something to work on. So asking it a question, giving it a task will set it to work. And then once it starts looking for something, it will find you the answers. You will start to see the possibilities. You will start to gather information. You will start to gather evidence that there is more out there for you. What you look for, you will find. what you focus on, you will create more of. So set your brain to looking for these possibilities for you. Explore your capacities. Assume that they are there. You just need to find them. Third, once you have an idea of what it is you want to try, what it is you want to create for yourself, what new capacities and possibilities. you want to explore.

Then you want to set an impossible goal for yourself and take massive action. You want to dream big and impossible goal is something that, is not just something that you think you can achieve, but you want to set something big so that you grow into it, that you have to change. You have to become a different person.

And it's not as overwhelming as you may think. But it's the best way to set a course to take yourself to the next level to grow and to challenge yourself. When you set an impossible goal, it's not necessarily about achieving the goal, although that's fantastic part of it and it's an important part of the process. It's not the be all end all. It's going to be about who you become along the way. Who do you need to become to move yourself and towards that impossible goal and.

Once you do that, you set in motion a process whereby you start to up level your life in so many different ways. You start to grow, you start to expand your capacities and your possibilities in your life. Massive action means that you keep showing up, you keep going. It's massive action because you just keep going. You keep every day taking action that moves you forward towards your goal. Can be small steps. It doesn't have to be in massive. Don't think about it in size, but think about it in consistent consistency and persistency. You want to keep showing up. You want to keep trying. You want to keep going no matter what you don't give up on yourself. You just keep going. You get the support you want. You do the work. Then you want to take risks and learn from your failures, setting an impossible goal, seeing what's possible for you, increasing your capacity and your possibilities means that you will have to put yourself out there and there will be failures. There will be mistakes.

But the key will be to see it as a stepping stone to growth. The fear will be there. It doesn't mean stop. It doesn't mean that anything has gone wrong. It means that you are actually on the right track. You are putting yourself out there. you want to keep going.

Any setback, any failure will have valuable lessons in it. these failures or mistakes can be used to move yourself forward and closer to your goal. This is where you're going to build your strength. This is where you're going to build your resilience. This is where you're going to gain the experience and all of the capacity to that you want for yourself in order to keep going to that next level. So chances are you, like the rest of us, are underestimating your capacity.

You're underestimating what is possible for you and for your life. This is very normal. Nothing has gone wrong. We have grown up in societies. We've received programming and messaging that has consciously and unconsciously been internalized and keeps us from putting ourselves out there, from exploring the possibilities, for thinking that there's more out there for us. At the same time, our brain has been designed to keep us safe. It uses fear, it uses negativity, it's scanning for problems and the thoughts that it's offering you are designed specifically to keep you playing small, to keep you in the cave because that ensures your physical survival.

So understanding what's at play here and exploring how it's presenting in you, in yourself and in your life is an important part of the process because you are capable of so much more.

The possibilities for you and your life are endless, but unwinding some of that messaging and that programming and understanding how your brain works is key. It's the first step that you want to take in order to move yourself forward. You want to give your brain a job. You want to give your brain a task and focus it on the intentional thoughts you want to think and to explore the possibilities that exist for yourself. Explore your capacities, explore what might be possible for you.

Once you give your brain that task, you will start to gather the information. You will start to see things that you never saw before. Your brain needs the job to do. It needs to focus. And this is a better way for it to use its energy than to block you and keep you in fear and keep you stuck. Then you want to spend the time to intentionally think thoughts that feel better. Most of the thoughts that you are thinking are not going to help you. They're not going to move you forward. They're not going to feel good. They're not going to be useful. Identify those thoughts and then start to change them. Okay.

Remember to set impossible goals and take massive action. This is the best way to start seeing what's possible for you and expanding your capacities. It's who you become along the way and you take massive action, which means you keep showing up. You're consistent, you're persistent. It's not perfection. It's you showing up and doing the work daily. And if you miss a day or two, you don't beat yourself up. Don't make it mean anything. Just start where you are and begin again, And when mistakes happen, don't make it mean anything about you. Just use it to grow. What can you learn from it? And how do you keep going? Take those risks. The fear will be there. But the fear does not mean stop. It means you're on the right track. You're doing something that's going to take you to the next level and it's okay. You can reassure your brain nothing has gone wrong. Your physical safety is not at risk. You can figure this out. Reassure it. Understand that nothing has gone wrong. You need to take the time to reflect on all the ways that you may be underestimating your own potential.

Spend some time, go for a walk, journal, have some quiet time, meditation, whatever it is, give yourself some space to understand where you're underestimating your potential. And then ask yourself what you want to create, what might be possible, what you really want. How can you expand your capacity? Challenge those limiting beliefs. Know that you can become stronger. You can set big goals. You can take risks. You will be okay. You are capable. This is possible for you. The only thing standing in your way? It is your brain, your mind. If you can overcome that, do some of the work, break free from the self doubt. You will be able to unleash your potential.

The only limits that exist are the ones you place on yourself.

So keep going, keep striving. if you don't quite believe it yet, that's okay. Okay. But I believe in it. So you can borrow my belief in you. I do believe in you. I know that it's possible.

So keep going.

Keep showing up for yourself and do the work bit by bit. You've got this. Keep going.

All right. If you want help with this, I do offer private coaching sessions. The link will be in the show notes.

Get on my calendar.

Try coaching for yourself. It's a free 45 minute session, one to one with me, bring any issue you wish. Let's work, let's talk and let's get you started on your transformation because you don't need to stay stuck.

At the same time, I will tell you more about what it's like to work with me. I have a three month program. It's 12 sessions. It is a bespoke program. I work with just a small number of women at any given time and taking them through this process to teach them the tools and the skills they need to get unstuck for good. These are the tools and the skills that will take you to wherever you want to go. And once you learn them, you can never unlearn them. They will serve you for the rest of your life. It's one of the most exciting journeys that I've been on and I can't wait to share it with you.

Thanks everybody for tuning in. Have a great week. I will talk to you soon. Bye bye.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin.

We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again.

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