Transforming Your Relationship with Alcohol

Welcome to This Daring Adventure podcast, where we work on bridging the gap between where we are and where we want to be in order to live a bigger and bolder life. In this podcast, we will provide inspiration, tips, and skills you need to make your life the adventure you want it to be. Here's your host, mindset mentor and life coach, Trista Guertin.

Hey, everybody.

Welcome back to This Daring Adventure. Thank you so much for joining me. This is episode 49. And today I wanted to talk a little bit about drinking wine. I'm going to share a bit of my personal story, but this is also something that's come up several times in various coaching sessions with clients.

So I thought I would just do a short little episode on what my experience has been with reducing my drinking. And I'm not talking about addiction here, and, and If you think that's the case for you, please get help.

This is, I'm talking about just, it's not just social drinking, but it is just the day to day drinking. And if this pertains to you, I think you'll understand that desire to have a drink every day at the, at the end of the day, or particularly on the weekends and socially. And questioning why we have such an urge to drink.

I know for myself that this probably began, at least as much as I can remember, it was probably about 20 years ago now, when I really started to look forward to that drink at the end of the day. And it was always wine, it's always been wine, and I remember being in Angola, I, it was my, not my first job overseas, but I was just finishing my master's degree and I accepted a job in the bush in Angola, so I was in the middle of literally nowhere. And it was basically a ghost town that had nothing.

We had to go in, we flew in with boxes of all our food and supplies and whatnot. I remember as we started, because we were there to do a repatriation of Angolan refugees from the Democratic Republic of Congo, which was 10 kilometers down the road. And so we were basically bringing people back from the DRC into Angola to return after 20 years of being a refugee. And as we started bringing people back in.

Of course, a little town started to grow and people started to show up and we're selling things and whatnot. I remember being able to get some wine then when people started coming and they started opening up these sort of little stalls and shops And I suppose I probably brought some wine with me when I traveled, but I probably couldn't have had that much.

Anyway, the point is, I remember you know, not a lot was going on out there. There wasn't much of, of a life. It was very quiet. We didn't have electricity. We didn't have internet at that time. We had a generator. There were not a lot of people around. So definitely, and it was stressful and it was, it was pretty challenging time. I was always sick. And so I remember eating a lot of popcorn and Looking forward to a glass of wine at the end of the day.

And then I also was taking vacations and spending time in South Africa, which of course, you know, has all these great wineries and whatnot. So I was introduced to, to the wine there and, and loved it. And, and I think since that time, I've just sort of continued to enjoy that drink at the end of the day and probably a little bit more on the weekends. Not really hungover, but just, you know, always looking forward to having that drink at the end of the day and really not being able to imagine not having it and so then probably about four or five years ago I guess now listening to my coach talk about how she had given up wine and why.

And I realized that that was a real challenge for me, that I couldn't imagine getting to the end of the day and not having a glass of wine. And it seemed like a reward. It seemed like something like. You know, I've made it, and I have something to look forward to now, and this is how I relax. Right? I've had a busy, stressful day, so I reward myself with this glass of wine. And of course it's fun, we use it for celebration, we use it for all of these things.

And she had mentioned, my coach had mentioned, when she stopped drinking that that's when her business and her life really took off. And of course she was able to... You know, do more in the evenings, was, was more focused and had just sort of started changing herself to become the person who didn't drink. And I was very interested in that because I, I realized how much time and energy I was thinking about drinking and of course not having that time in the evenings to do anything productive except have a glass of wine or two and, and just watch. Netflix or some sort of something on TV.

So over the past few years, I've sort of experimented stopping drinking for a month or so. And I was able to do that, but I always came back to it and I've never considered just stopping drinking altogether. I'm not at that point now. And I don't know if I ever will be, I'm not going to say never but, but maybe, but I have been spending a lot of time over the past couple of years on my coaching business, working with clients, getting coached myself, doing trainings and certifications. Obviously in those nights I don't drink. And so it's the, the other nights of the week, especially on the weekend that, that this still comes up.

Now I'm finding, of course, now that I'm 51, that it's affecting my sleep and you know, getting hot flashes. So that doesn't help. I've been looking at this and, and spending quite a bit of time actually thinking about this over, over the past couple of years. And as I said, I've had several questions from, from clients.

What I understand and what I've come to understand basically is that we are conditioned to drink, especially in North America or in, in Europe. It's very much a part of our culture. We see it a lot. We experience it growing up, We see it with our parents. We see it on TV. We see it in the media. We see it everywhere and it is very much a part of our day to day lives. If we're celebrating. We're not feeling great. We're a little depressed. We have a drink. If we're stressed, we have a drink. If we're getting together and having a party, we drink. If we, you know, want to just have some fun, we drink.

It's become very normal for us. It's very intertwined in the way that we live and the way that we socialize. You go to a concert, you go to a sporting event, you go to a party, you go to a wedding, you go, it's, it's very prevalent everywhere. So it makes sense that this is something that We have been conditioned to desire, right? And the more that we, we drink, it becomes a habit for us. we've conditioned ourselves, like when I've conditioned myself to reach five o'clock and have that drink, my brain is ramping up the desire. I'm getting that urge. I'm thinking the thought, I need a drink. I want a drink. This is going to help me relax. And then I have the drink, and I get that hit of dopamine, and then I get that alcohol, and I get that sugar. 

I have conditioned my brain, just by habit, over and over again, to desire that alcohol. So, it makes sense that this is a very difficult habit, but... To change for us and the good news is, though, that because we have created this desire in ourselves, we are also the one who can. I want to say break the desire, but reduce, end the desire, break the desire, and recondition ourselves not to drink if that's what we desire, right? It's important to know that you can change, that this is something that we have created ourselves. By every time you go for five o'clock to have a drink, you're just reconditioning and reconditioning your brain to do it. And you're not even thinking about it anymore because once it's become, you know, you've done this several times it, the, the. The action and the desire gets moved from your prefrontal cortex to your midbrain, so it's just a habit now. You're not even really thinking about it.

And this just means your brain is functioning normally. That nothing has gone wrong. That this is just the way we've conditioned ourselves. And our brain just loves the reward. It loves the dopamine. It loves the sugar. It loves the alcohol. It thinks it's really important. Especially with these concentrated substances. You get a bigger hit of dopamine. There's more sugar, there's the alcohol. So instead of just getting like a small hit of dopamine that you would get when you have a healthy meal or you sit by a fire and have shelter and you know, all the, our basic needs that we have evolved with over the past several thousand years, which kept us alive because then we knew, right, our brain knew to keep going after shelter, keep going after food, keep going after water, keep going after, you know, creating, having fire because it kept us alive. So we get a little hit of dopamine in order to repeat those actions. But with the concentrated substance, our brain gets a bigger hit of dopamine. And therefore, it thinks it's more important, and then you're just, again, reinforcing that craving and it's a learned response. And it's repeating it because it's very efficient. It's very easy. Just keep going, just keep repeating, repeating, repeating, it's easy, you don't have to think about it. There's nothing you need to rationalize, there's nothing you need to analyze in your prefrontal cortex, your primitive brain just takes over and then you get that response.

So first, know that this is completely normal. We have been conditioned. We have grown up with this, we have normalized it, and so this is why the desire is so strong. And you start the habit, it gets repeated, repeated, repeated, and your brain just loves to perpetuate that cycle. Nothing has gone wrong.

Your brain is actually functioning normally. But the good news, as I said before, Because you are the one that's created that desire, you are the one who can decondition yourself to reduce that desire and eliminate it. And being aware of your urges is the first step. I often find myself thinking, okay, you know, like, I, can I have a glass of wine tonight? Should I have a glass of wine tonight? Oh, I'm looking forward to the glass of wine tonight. Or on the Friday night, whatever it is. And if I've decided not to drink, like basically I am not now drinking during the week. And so what I notice is that I will still have the urge. I'm not right now talking about eliminating the urge.

But to start with, you notice the urge and you allow it to be there. You know that nothing has gone wrong. You don't have to act on it. Of course it's there. Of course I feel like drinking. Which is what I tell myself. It's okay, and I just allow myself to feel it. I just allow myself to, to let it be there, to feel the, the restlessness and to feel the agitation if it comes up that I'm not going to drink. And you work through that each and every day. I have to say it does work, but it takes time, it is a skill that you're building. And by time, I mean several months, a couple of years, for that desire to really reduce to the point where, I sort of think about it, but it doesn't really bother me anymore. And again, like I'm not giving up drinking, but I'm not spending as much time thinking about it and the desire has, has significantly reduced. So allowing that urge, knowing that it's not going to kill you, it's not going to hurt you.

You can just allow it to be there, allow whatever to come up to come up and just experience it. Allow it. Because otherwise you're either going to react to it, which means you're going to drink. Or you're going to be resisting it, which is sort of like white knuckling it, you know, trying to push it off and distract yourself and whatnot. And that doesn't work in the long term. The only sustainable way you will be able to change your desire is to allow the urge. And the better you become at allowing it, And experiencing the urge, the more it will start to decrease. It won't be as strong, you won't be, you just won't have that reaction.

One of the things you can do is have a drink plan. Like myself, I've decided I'm not drinking during the week. Sunday to Thursday I'm not drinking. Unless there's some sort of, again, special occasion or something that I'm planning ahead. But then Friday I will plan to have, you know, two drinks. Saturday I might plan to have one drink and that's it. But, you know, you can plan ahead to drink. And then the days that you're not drinking, expect that urge to come up. And use your prefrontal cortex to keep yourself on track with your plan, and allow the urge, and allow that desire to drink just to be there.

If you do drink when you had a plan not to, spend a couple of minutes just going over, you know, what happened, what you've learned, what you would do differently next time. I always recommend visualizing. And feeling that emotion and thinking, okay, what would you do differently, but don't beat yourself up. Don't criticize yourself. Don't judge yourself. Just, do a short little lessons learned. What would I do differently next time? And then move on. Just keep moving. Don't beat yourself up. Don't make yourself feel badly. It doesn't serve any purpose. All right. For me, I've enjoyed decreasing my drinking because, as I've said, I have that, that time to spend working on my business. I also have time. In the evenings now I can go for a walk, I can practice yoga, I'm reading, I'm doing things that obviously if I've had a glass of wine or two I wouldn't be doing.

So I've enjoyed that and it sort of opens up more free time for myself, to take care of myself and pursue other interests. The other thing is of course is the health aspect, which I do want to take care of myself as I approach menopause, it helps not to drink and, and certainly I am spending a lot of time getting coached and learning new things and coaching other people. I just want to take care of myself as much as possible and knowing that, you know. There are, there is no safe or no healthy amount of alcohol that, that we can intake, digest. I do appreciate this shift that I've made in this change.

And so you might want to think about your compelling reasons as to why you want to reduce your drinking. And that can also help to to give you a little bit of focus and to remind yourself about why you're doing this as you, as you go along.

But as I said, the most important thing you can do for yourself is to know that these urges are going to be there. Nothing has gone wrong. This is the way we've grown up. This is the way we've been conditioned. This is what we've taught our brains and we can decondition it and we can allow the urge and nothing bad will happen. And the more urges we can allow, the greater the decrease will be in our desire.

That's what I have for you today.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to reach out. I will put my email in the show notes.

And of course, there's the link to my calendar. If you would like to hop onto a call with me and experience coaching for yourself, I offer a private free 60 minute coaching session and you can find a time that suits you and let's talk about what's going on with you.

And if you want to change your drinking or any other habits or beliefs that you're working on and that you want to change I think this is important. Coaching offers us a chance to get unstuck. It offers us a chance to up level our lives and it frees us and it helps us to make changes in a way so that we don't just live the same life year after year. Coaching sessions can really get you on a path to transformation. So I would love to speak to you if you're interested.

If you're interested in learning more about coaching and drinking, there is a woman called Rachel Hart who runs a program. To help people stop drinking and I will put her website in the show notes as well if you're interested in, in following up and looking at her work.

Thanks everybody. Have a great week. Talk to you next time. Bye bye.

Thank you for listening to This Daring Adventure podcast with your host Trista Guertin. We hope you enjoyed the tips and conversations on how to get excited about life again.

As always, you can head to tristaguertin.com for additional resources and to book a one on one coaching session. You can also follow Trista on Instagram at tristavguertin.

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